I think it’s probably known that I really did want to win this award, but frankly I didn’t see it happening once I saw the other nominees — a very strong bunch who I think would all also be excellent winners of this award.
It’s especially touching because there were a couple of points where I nearly anti-nommed myself because I didn’t really feel worthy of the award. Moments when I felt my play had been substandard or when my behaviour had dipped below what I expect of myself in games. Frankly, those are both aspects that I’m still working on when it comes to being a player and a person — especially how to care enough to be effective while not caring so much that being wrong really hurts or that I’m so involved that I become toxic in my interactions with others.
I’m also still trying to find the right balance in terms of how much I should play mafia. There have been times when I’ve played a lot of games, and I’m not sure those were often particularly happy times in my life. The community here was very warm and I’m really grateful to the people who spoke to me at those times and I still feel particularly affectionate towards all of them, even if my communication skills as a person are terrible and I may not speak to them as often as I should. You know who you are.
Broadly though, as I know I’m rambling a little, I wanted to touch on the fact that I hope this award will be a reminder to me of what I think are the positive sides of my play, when I have made the right calls on who was scum or when I’ve managed to be part of defusing tense or toxic moments instead of creating them. With luck, and some mindfulness, I hope that even if I didn’t always meet the standards I wanted to in the process of winning this award, that it will be a reminder to me each time I see the banner under my name what those standards are, and a goal for me to meet them in this year on mafiascum. As such, it’s perhaps a
particularly
fitting flavour that was chosen for this one 
Thank you all once again!
