Sam Vimes had often thought he had felt like death.
Like that time I was flung down an underground river. Or maybe the time I fell through the library roof and went back in time, before getting mugged and left in an alley. Or that time I was given too much Klatchian coffee and went past the wrong side of sober. Oh, and every morning when I used to drink. Or when...
He was up to the 20th time he had felt like death before he wondered why he was thinking about it. Despite the harrowing events of the past few days he felt... fine. He rolled out of the small camp-bed in his office and reached for the door handle.
Which his hand went through.
Am I drunk again?
He reached for the handle again. He was sure he'd got it that time.
I'm surprised you haven't realised what's going on yet, Commander. Vimes spun around, and Death was leaning against the wall. Vimes hoped he was only imagining the amused look on the skeletal face.
"I'm dreaming, right?"
An ever-present possibility, certainly. But no.
"Damn!" Vimes looked back at his body on the bed. He felt oddly detached. He thought he should be feeling a bit more than this. It was... well, partially relief.
"Did I not set the traps on the roof properly?" He asked, by way of seeming interested.
Were it not for those traps, you would have awoken to find me here about... 2 hours ago. A humourous coincidence, really.
"Huh." Vimes didn't much feel like laughing. His ghostly head was full of questions. Unfortunately, he doubted he was going to get more answers.
***
Down in the canteen, the watchmen were getting nervous. It was already past 10AM.
"Should we go and wake him?"
"Of course not, you know how he gets when people do that... remember Constable Oredragger*?"
"But what if he's.. y'know?"
"Nah, not Commander Vimes. He's probably just resting..."
"Yeah, with all the work he's been doing and that."
"Yeah, that's right."
"Yeah. He'll be fine."
Another hour passed, and it was collectively decided that the remaining Watchmen could not put up with the canteen coffee any more - and went to wake the apparently slumbering Vimes. They opened his door nervously and peered in.
"Oh, gods..."
*Said Constable resigned from the Watch after a suspiciously Constable-Oredragger-Shaped hole in the Commander's door appeared very early one Saturday morning, after Oredragger rushed in to tell the then-hungover Commander Vimes about an assault on an officer. In a very loud voice.
VasudeVa, aka Commander Samuel Vimes, TOWNIE, has been killed.
It is now DAY FIVE. Deadline for today is Friday 15th October.