Spoil a Wish II

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. I hope you like being snowed in your car for a few days.

I wish my smoke alarm wouldn't go off at random.

[Merlyn]

Granted. It will now only go off exactly when you hit REM sleep.

I wish someone would bake me a pie.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. There are razor blades in it.

I wish my cat liked being cuddled more.

[mallowgeno]

Granted. Your cat has dug its razor sharp claws into your arms and cannot be surgically removed without killing the cat.

I wish I had $1

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. That's your

TOTAL

net worth. You don't even have clothes to your name, for crying out loud!

I wish I had a motorcycle.

[Ethel]

Granted. You are now the proud owner of a miniature motorcylce. It's made of plastic.

I wish that listening to loud music on public transportation would be outlawed.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted.

ALL

music on public transportation has been outlawed, even if you're listening with headphones at a reasonable volume.

I wish I were immortal.

[Korina]

Granted. You will survive the inevitable heat death of the universe a la Kars in JoJo Part 2.

I wish we knew the answer to if dogs or cats is better.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. It's not the one of the two

you

think is better, and you start a flame war with the other side and trash your online reputation in the process.

I wish that American politics weren't a train wreck.

[Merlyn]

Granted.

Me too

It stops being a trainwreck because China buys the US and forbids any politics.

I wish someone would cook dinner for me tonight so I don't have to.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. It's undercooked and you get food poisoning as a result.

I wish to be fluent in English, Spanish, French, modern Greek, and Japanese.

[Korina]

Granted. You can understand those languages, but you can't speak or write them, and any attempt to do so comes out as gibberish.

I wish to have more money in my bank account than I currently do. ($150)

[Alianna]

Granted. All of the money in the world is transferred into your bank account, leading to a global economic crisis.

I wish for a cup of tea.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. I slip some arsenic in it while you're not looking.

I wish for more mental stimulation.

[Ethel]

Granted. You get abducted by an insane math teacher who forces you to solve riddles and equations at gunpoint.

I wish I had a magical pot that always refills itself with whatever dish I desire.

[Merlyn]

Granted. The pot has to stay on Mount Everest.

I wish I could become an amazing violin player.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. Everybody else in the orchestra sucks at violin.

I wish to never feel lonely.

[Korina]

Granted. You are now so famous, that it's impossible to have a successful private life with anyone because everyone knows about your full private life.

I wish I was better at first person shooters.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. You're falsely accused of using an aimbot and banned from the server.

I wish I had perfect memory.

[Ethel]

Granted. You remember every embarrassing thing that ever happened to you in excruciating detail and can't stop thinking about it.

I wish there was a teleporter to Mount Everest so I could get to my pot whenever I want to.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. China and Nepal both consider you a drug trafficker and you are arrested when you leave the mountain by whichever country you immediately go back to and extradited. No more teleporter for you.

I wish I didn't have the fear of missing out.

[Ethel]

Granted. You are completely cured from all fears, which includes the very sensible fear of going through dark alleys at night. Atleast you aren't afraid while getting stabbed.

I wish I could fully understand complex subjects just by skimming a headline.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. It's still nigh impossible for you to

explain

those subjects just as concisely.

I wish for new dress shoes.

[Merlyn]

Granted, but the tiny dresses are hard to put on your feet.

I wish that chocolate was good for me.

[StrangerCoug]

Granted. That's the only thing you can eat without getting sick, and it gets boring all the time.

I wish it didn't cost so much to board my cat while I'm gone on a family vacation.