Meanwhile, on a road leading away from the auditorium...
spectrumvoid:
Wait! No! Come back!
A truck is moving down the road just fast enough to stay ahead of sv. In its open back, a shiny trophy can be seen.
spectrumvoid:
Wait!
Backstage, Phoebus chuckles as he watches the video from the hidden camera on the back of the truck. This cheers him up, giving him a renewed enthusiasm which the crowd responds to as he comes back on-stage.
Phoebus:
We're back, and I am told we have a new development in Mafia Live. SL?
ShadowLurker:
Phoebus, Dead Rikimaru is... well, dead. When the lights came back on, he was found turned inside-out, somehow. Disgusting, really. Anyway, he was "Dead Dead Rikimaru" (Self-fulfilling Prophecy).
Phoebus:
We're in for an exciting conclusion, everyone, good luck to the remaining players. And now let's bring back our newly crowned Paragon to present the
George W. Bush Award
for Funniest Role Claim!
As Glork walks back onto the stage, one of the technical crew decides he needs a little something behind him on the screen...
This doesn't go over well, as the audience screams. elvis_knits faints and has to be attended to by the on-site medical staff. Glork is completely oblivious to this, and launches right into his bit.
Glork:
Sometimes claims are inspired nuggets of genius, completely fooling everyone and winning the game. Other times, they're just silly and make you snort drinks out of your nose in laughter. The winner is...
PookyTheMagicalBear
for his claim of Stephen King, Miller and Amnesiac, in Stephen King Mafia!
PookyTheMagicalBear:
I am Stephen King, my existence in reality is what causes the messed up investigations from the cops that are based in fiction and are figments of my imagination.
I am currently in a coma after being struck by a car and I am wandering through a world filled with the figments of my imagination.
Huge applause floods the audience as the spotlights begin their search for the incredibly adorable teddy bear, after some confusion they find him beginning his victory lap from where he and Fritz had destroyed all of Kansas State University in the largest beer pong game ever during the pre-presentation games, thousands of the poor lightweights were sprawled all over the large arena among countless beer cans. After getting lost somehow between the stage and the podium, our intrepid hero finally managed to locate the lone microphone that they had hidden so well on the podium.
PookyTheMagicalBear:
First of all I’d like to thank all of you who’ve been here to share this moment with me as well as those of you who’ve been such a joy to be with for the time that I’ve spent here, I truly appreciate every moment I’ve spent with you all. The inspiration you’ve given me is truly priceless. Please allow me to share a few of my thoughts on how truly wonderful this community is and why it means so much to me that I can come and share my time with you all when I do have time.
There's really too much intolerance in this world as it is, too much negativity and pointless hatred based on differences, but when we participate in this community, we do so with the intention of having fun, of playing games and really enjoying our time together. Whatever differences we might have, we can put them aside to enjoy a game that we love in a world that we’ve created. That's in my opinion what makes this site so wonderful, that you can have people from all over the world, of all cultures not just together participating in games involving logical argument, but that these games are NOT focused around these cultural differences and instead whether that quick vote to 4 should be considered scummy or not. That is the beauty of this website, its diversity and tolerance are what make it so special. Our community is a symbol, that logic and reason can rise above cultural divides and bring people from all over the world together in a game that they all enjoy.
For this scummy I have to thank first of all MrGnomeItAll for running a fantastic game, one of the nicest people I’ve met, secondly I’d have to thank the absolutely phenomenal medical staff of Stephen King Mafia who managed to protect the exposed cop from a triple kill on night 2 with which the game would never have progressed to the point where I was forced to make a claim that would end up winning it all. Since my team of goodies was down to only two players, I knew I needed to make a move in order to keep my butt alive, convincing the town that the second cop was a no good lying scumbucket would’ve just led to my death the next day leaving my partner all alone in a town of 16 players, so I did what any insane psychopath killer would do under the circumstances, I made a roleclaim so ludicrously preposterous that it must’ve been true because I didn’t think they were going to let me get away with claiming townie. Unfortunately for our poor psychopath, the town woke up realizing that something wasn’t right and poor Andre Linoge was strapped into that electric chair. Lastly I’d like to thank our wonderful judges and Phoebus for putting together this event and volunteering their time to further our enjoyment of this community, it’s been a wonderful ride so far and it can only get better.
Pooky waves to his adoring fans, and is escorted from the stage by a pair of "huggle buddies". Glork walks to the back as well, not noticing that elvis_knits has regained consciousness, and is following him. Her eyes look strangely... possessed...
Phoebus:
On with the show! It's time for the
Most Enjoyable Large Game Award
, Kelly Chen presenting!
KC walks back out with more thunderous applause from the minion section. She looks somewhat nervous, as though the ominous voice that spoke earlier is getting to her, forcing her to fear what strange thing might happen to her on-stage. She manages a smile and begins her lines.
Kelly Chen:
There were lots of great games played in 2006, and unfortunately we can't give these next two awards to all of them, but let's take a moment and recognize all the mods and players that worked so hard this past year.
The audience applauds politely, and the noise grows into an obligatory standing ovation for the mafiascum community. It's very touching. Honest.
Kelly Chen:
Now then, the award for Most Enjoyable Large Game goes to...
She opens to envelope, and stares at it for a moment, before looking back up at the camera.
Kelly Chen:
Er... the award goes to... uh... SPORK76 MAFIA!!!!!!!
There is a sound much like that made when a large group of people simultaneously moves their hands to clap and then jerks them to a halt about an inch apart. It is possible that this is because the audience does exactly that, though other theories may explain this sound.
Phoebus:
I was afraid something like this might happen...
Phoebus stands on to Kelly's right, holding a spare mic. He motions to two burly looking men in white uniforms.
Kelly Chen:
But... but... I'm not crazy! SPORK76 MAFIA was AMAZING... it deserves to win! You're the crazy ones! Ha ha... ha!
The men grab Kelly and drag her off the stage, as she laughs maniacally.
Phoebus:
Well, I guess I get to present this one. Let's see.
He looks down at the envelope.
Phoebus:
Uh... guys, this envelope is blank. We've
awarded
this, right?
Thok crawls out on to the stage, still clutching at the hole in his chest with one hand. An envelope hangs out of his mouth, as he has no other way to hold it. Phoebus stands watching him for a moment, before Thok stops crawling and spits the envelope out.
Thok:
You know, you could come
get
the envelope, instead of watching me.
With this, Thok collapses again. Phoebus shrugs, walks over to pick up the envelope, and then returns to the podium.
Phoebus:
Serves you right, making our audience wait like that. Sorry, folks... the winner is...
BrianMcQueso
, for Mafia 47: Kingmaker Mafia!
BrianMcQueso:
The town crier runs through the streets. "THE KING HAS DIED!"
The news spreads like wildfire. Rumor has it that a group of assassins as infiltrated your fair kingdom and assassinated the king, looking to seize control of the land by assuming the throne. It becomes clear that these assassins must be rooted out and executed, but with the loss of the king, the town has no one to lead them. The town begins to degrade into a lynch mob, killing innocent townsfolk wildly accused of being in league with the conspirators. As chaos begins to tear through the town, a single cloaked figure speaks up.
"I am from the Royal Society of Kingmakers," he proclaims, "and I have a solution for your problem". He goes on to explain that ordinary citizens of the town will have the opportunity to act as King for the duration of one day. At the end of that day, the King must choose one person in the town to execute. The other citizens may voice their concerns, but, in the end, have no official means to execute another citizen. By making sure one individual controls the power, it will be difficult for the assassins to sway the town too greatly. The cloaked man reveals the shining signet of the Royal Society of Kingmakers and assures the town: "While it may be possible for an assassin to assume the role of the King for a day, rest easy that an honest citizen will always hold the position of Kingmaker. Talk with each other and trust in the Kingmaker's judgment, as they will help shape the fate of our kingdom."
And with those parting words, he vanishes.
Phoebus:
Unfortunately, BMQ left early to build a shrine for his first Scummie, but we do have the acceptance speech he prepared... guys, can we get that on the screen?
BrianMcQueso:
Martin Luther King's
BrianMcQueso's
Acceptance Speech, on the occasion of the award of the
Nobel Peace Prize
Scummy for Most Enjoyable Regular Game
in Oslo,
December 10, 1964
February 20, 2007
.
Your Majesty, Your Royal Highness, Mr. President, Excellencies, Ladies and Gentlemen:
'Sup everybody!
I accept the
Nobel Prize for Peace
Scummy for Most Enjoyable Regular Game
at a moment when 22 million
Negroes
Scummers
of the United States of America are engaged in a creative battle to end the long night of
racial injustice
nobody sending in their night choices
. I accept this award on behalf of
a civil rights movement which is moving with determination and a majestic scorn for risk and danger
myself
to establish a reign of
freedom
terror
and a rule of
justice
you all have to give me lots of money
. I am mindful that only yesterday in
Birmingham, Alabama
the Road to Rome Forum
, our children, crying out for
brotherhood
a deadline
, were answered with
fire hoses
massive mod prods
,
snarling dogs and even death
actually, I think I'll keep the snarling dogs and death part
. I am mindful that only yesterday in
Philadelphia
Coney Island
and
Mississippi
Little Italy
, young people seeking to secure the right to vote were
brutalized and murdered
counterbandwagoned and lynched
. And only yesterday more than 40
houses of worship
cop investigations?
in the State of
Mississippi
The Whole Sort of General Mish Mash
alone were
bombed
nightkilled
or
burned
taken out by a vigilante
because they
offered a sanctuary to
doc-protected
those who
would not accept segregation
were power roles
. I am mindful that
debilitating and grinding poverty
the constant threat of lurkers
afflicts my people and chains them to the lowest rung of
the economic ladder
.
Therefore, I must ask why this prize is awarded to a
movement
worthless scummer like me
which is beleaguered and committed to
unrelenting struggle
defiling a classic speech for purposes of cheap laughs
; to a movement which has not won the very peace and brotherhood which is the essence of the Nobel Prize
but I won anyway so suck on that everyone else!
Mr Stoofer:
Hey! I wanted to make the first vote in this thread!
Mr. Flay:
Obviously you shouldn't have waited so long, then.
Mr Stoofer:
OMGUS!
Meanwhile, a camera is with spectrumvoid, who has finally caught up to the truck carrying her Scummie. She is several miles away from the auditorium, but she nevertheless senses that her moment has come, and so she launches into a speech.
spectrumvoid:
My special thanks go out to:
Mr. Flay, the mod of my first newbie game, where I learnt the rules here, and coding etc, even though I-cop was idiotic enough to get myself lynched on page 2.
Y, who showed me that mafiawiki existed, and everyone else in mini 306, who put up with my almost non-stop queries, since I was dumb enough to replace in a mini D3 when I didn't quite get the hang of mafia. You guys (Kain, PBug, c_d, pablito) were the ones who made me decide to stay in mafiascum.
STD, m4yhem, patrick, TV, Glork, PJ, Kelly, who indirectly/directly taught me a lot about scum tactics/other general strategies.
Sailor Jerry, my mishmash forums buddy, Zindaras, for his general advice and great company, and IH, whose is probably in almost every game I'm in, and whose presence has made them really enjoyable.
It's the people here that have made me spend nearly 100% of my free time in mafia, and I'd also like to thank everyone else I've played with, for my addiction. Your company has made me persevere through: floods, more floods, other natural disasters, a nationwide disaster, school exams, random mafiascum errors, deleted pm errors, missing posts errors, popularity problems, CPU quote errors... I... must... not... stop...
Back in the auditorium...
Phoebus:
And now, the second of our "game" Scummies... the
Most Enjoyable Mini Game Award
, presented by Cogito Ergo Sum!
CES walks out, as the audience cheers.
Phoebus:
So, CES, what's your secret?
Cogito Ergo Sum:
What do you mean?
Phoebus:
Well, you're the only one that's made it through the award show intact and in the building, so far...
Cogito Ergo Sum:
What about Glork?
Screams are heard coming from the back somewhere.
Cogito Ergo Sum:
Oh. Well... I guess I haven't done anything to inspire the big narrator in the sky...
(Booming Voice):
You really haven't. That is just unacceptable.
An anvil falls from a hole in space-time, crushing CES in a cartoonish way.
Another anvil falls on VitaminR.
Phoebus:
What was that for?
(Booming Voice):
He's related, it's only a matter of time before he's causing uninspiring trouble too.
Phoebus:
So who am I going to get to present this award, then?
On the screen, spectrumvoid reappears.
spectrumvoid:
I'll do it!
Phoebus:
No.
(Booming Voice):
You know, I've always wanted to...
Phoebus:
No.
(Booming Voice):
No? I'll...
Phoebus:
No, you won't drop any anvils on me either. I'm not scheduled to be harmed for another few scenes yet. Can't argue with that logic, my friend.
The other-worldly sound of someone flipping through pages... a script, perhaps... echoes in the auditorium. Some of the audience starts to get restless.
Thestatusquo:
I left scum chat for this?
Phoebus:
Look, will you just let me run this show?
(Booming Voice):
Oh
alright
. You're no fun, you.
Phoebus:
Well, I guess I'll just award it, then...
Thok:
Wait...
Thok crawls back across the stage.
Phoebus:
What now?
Thok:
I just haven't gotten to award anything yet. It's not fair.
Phoebus:
Fine, fine. I absolve myself of all responsibility for whatever happens to you as a result.
Phoebus hands Thok the envelope and a spare wireless microphone.
Thok:
The winner is...
GreenLiquid
, for Mini 294: Post Res...tri...
Thok faints.
GreenLiquid:
The soldier opened the box, which took some effort, considering the hinges had completely rusted. Inside lay a wrinkled up brown book, looking very old. On the front, in decaying print, it read ‘Precious Memories,’ but that was crossed out, and below it read, ‘LOG.’
“Go on. Read it. You’ll learn more from that than from me telling you.”
The soldier opened the book. Inside, it read “Introduction.” He began to read.
I don’t know who you are. Are you me? Are you someone else? I don’t know who you are, but I can feel that one day, someone other than myself will be reading this. Perhaps for entertainment? Perhaps to learn the truth, that I am and have been true? Perhaps even for a higher, unrelated purpose? I don’t know why, nor how, nor when, nor where, but I’m here writing it. And I’ll keep doing so until either my duty or my life ends. But no matter who you are, please, sit back, open a bottle, or canteen, or whatever you drink out of, and enjoy. I will do my duty to create as detailed a record as possibly needed. I present to you... THE DETAILED HISTORY OF TURROVILE.
Eager to continue, the soldier turned the page.
GreenLiquid:
I can hardly believe that I've gotten a scummy! I mean, seriously, who saw that coming? Hmm, not many hands up. Well, since I'm nice I'd like to thank whoever nominated me. Since I'm lazy, however, I don't think I'll look up who did.
I also thought this would be a good time to plug the next game I'm going to be modding. But then I considered how much I hate tomatoes in my face, so I decided to skip that particular part (although my game WILL be fun, I can assure you of that). With that in mind, I'll wrap things up by accepting this award in the name of liquid-kind. In your face, solids!
Gases:
Hey! What about us?
Plasma:
Yeah!
Bose-Einstein Condensate:
Have we run this joke into the ground yet?
Phoebus:
We have just two more awards to give out, but now we want to take the time for two special presentations. 2006 was a busy year on mafiascum.net, and while we couldn't fairly pick the best posts for the year... we
could
pick some comments from completely random posts, and that's exactly what we did. So, here it is, your 2006 Year in Review!
ubertimmy:
/in
Nixame:
confirm
PookyTheMagicalBear:
*jumps up and down*
Green Crayons:
Harumph. I hope the stench was horrific.
IH:
Toaster Strudel is REALLY a fan of crepes.
Zindaras:
And this is relevant how?
Der Hammer:
Now the question is what happens if two GFs are left.
Akonas:
Care to explain how we were supposed to get the answer to the last one?
BabyJesus:
I was pretty sure the tailies showed up Season 2...
LyingBrian:
what is your standard Method of Operation in developing this "gut feeling"?
MeMe:
I'm willing to admit I may have made a mistake. Are you?
B Rob:
There is no point to calling someone out and letting them get away with slinking back in, if you get my meaning.
Rosso Carne:
yos, you never mistook me in KM
Chess83:
If anybody is framing you it is yourself.
petroleumjelly:
Fine, fine, I can agree to a color-claim.
Primate:
Happy with a
Vote Klebian
now.
Lowell:
I agree. Klebian looks worse than Devo.
Pug89:
That seems like a very weak reason to vote for somebody.
DrippingGoofball:
Doesn't that mean also a "free kill" for the Mafia???
bigAl:
See you all in the fall!
Phoebus:
We would also like to take a moment
In Memoriam
for those users who are no longer active on the forums...
The audience responds with an emotional standing ovation. Phoebus wipes a tear away.
Phoebus:
We'll be back after this message with the conclusion of Mafia Live, and the presentation of the final two awards.
Meanwhile, on the set of Mafia Live...
M4yhem:
Well, it's got to be one of you. Right now, I am leaning toward ChannelDelibird.
ChannelDelibird:
What? Why?
M4yhem:
You've been lurking the entire game!
ChannelDelibird:
I'm not lurking! Honest!
Aelyn:
Guys, listen. I think I know what we need to do.
Aelyn motions the other two over, and they huddle together, whispering so that any live microphones can't hear them...