"'That gives me, ooh, a whole
range
of options. The one I'm thinking of now is summoning Constable Dorfl. He's a golem. Nothing impedes
him
in the execution of his duty.'"
Vimes looked at his morning copy of
The Times
, pushed under the Watch house door by an exasperated Willikins, and groaned in misery.
BREAKDOWN IN LAW AND ORDER IN THE CITY! The headline screamed at him. Underneath, more capitalised text read "INTRUDERS IN THE WATCH - ARE WE SAFE?"
Well, we're definitely not now, Vimes thought to himself miserably as he scraped some of the more solid forms of tea from the pot into his mug.
He stumbled down the stairs into the main hall, where a few -
too few
, he noticed - were gathered around the main desk.
"Where is everyone? Where's Dorfl?" He asked of a few of them.
"There's a riot up near Dolly Sisters," A nervous watchman told him. "He said he'd go and sort it out. And he nicked Carrot's copy of the
Laws
* as well."
"Oh, gods..." Vimes sighed. "I'll lecture you about staying together after. Now, follow me, QUICK!" Mugs of tea forgotten, the assembled Watchmen sprinted after the rapidly-retreating form of Commander Vimes.
***
Dorfl stood in front of the assembled rioters. Some of them had managed to track down sledgehammers from somewhere**.
"I'm asking you to disperse," he said gently. "The watch is fine." He was unaware of a quiet discussion going on near his feet.
"Bloody golems, you can't trust 'em, I always said..."
"Everyone knows they kill people."
"What, in the WATCH?"
"Maybe it hasn't yet-"
"-it will do, just watch-"
"Oh, ha bloody ha."
"If you do not disperse..." Here Dorfl took out Carrot's copy of the
Laws
, and turned to a specific page. "I will read the Riot Act. If you do not disperse..." - his huge fingers traced the lines in the book - "The watch is authorised to use deadly force."
"Shall we get it?"
"Are you mad?! It'll rip your head off!"
"Fine, well if you're going to wuss out..."
Dorfl looked down at a man who suddenly yelled out and swung a sledgehammer straight at his chest. With seemingly little concern he picked up the sledgehammer, ripping it clean out of the attacker's hands, and threw it into a nearby wall - which it went through. A woman emerged from the newly-created hole and began shouting at the assembled crowd. Dorfl ignored her and continued to read.
***
A sizeable following of citizens, some clutching copies of the
Times
, were now following the Watch's mad dash to the riot area. They finally arrived, where Dorfl was still slowly reading through section 2(b)(iv) of the Riot Act.
"Constable Dorfl?!"
"Sir?" He saluted.
"What's..." Vimes weakly motioned to the pile of rioters.
"I thought our purposes would be best served if we could dispel this riot and get on with looking for the infiltrators, sir." Dorfl stated stolidly.
"By threatening to kill them?!" Vimes half-shouted in desperation.
Dorfl shrugged.
"That's police brutality, that is!" Shouted one citizen who had followed Vimes, trembling slightly.
"YEAH!" A few more picked up the call.
More shouting started, and before long, there was anarchy again - despite the best efforts of the hulking form of Dorfl.
Dorfl looked around at the rioting citizens and the watchmen who had waded in to try and stop the chaos, and examined his huge clay fists with an expression of curiosity.
*
The Laws and Ordinances of the city of Ankh-Morpork
was a very thick book of all the laws that had been passed in Ankh-Morpork since, well, ever, including the
Being Bloody Stupid Act
, which Vimes often fell back on if he needed another crime to throw at someone. Carrot used to carry the book around everywhere, but he learned them off by heart in matter of months.
**It was amazing what Ankh-Morporkians could track down within minutes.
Constable Dorfl has acquired STRENGTH and will receive a power today.
It is now DAY THREE.
Deadline is Friday 17th September, about this time.
